'Twas The Night Before New Years
'Twas the night before New Years At 107 Clayton The place was too quiet There was no sign of satan
Satan had vanished He had gone back with Kim He begged for forgiveness For nailing tons of trim
No more flying limes No chicks getting flipped No late-night bang fests No more broken pics
The house had a stench Of filth and of gloom As 9 lonely souls Sat in the party room.
There was Pus in the kitchen Cooking a feast for a king While Melanie bitched "There's no engagement ring"
They wretched and they vomitted From the smell of Russ' pork It looked like some slop From the floor of the Cork
There was Clunk with his veggies And Melanie with smokes And Dirty Ed doing The double-handed stroke.
The Bulgies were gone The Philly girls split The toilets were clogged With a giant veagan shit
This house is a mess It's the smell we can't stand As the men clutched their dates In their left and right hands
The party room sucks The rooms are too small Stop beating your meat Find a girlfriend, Ed Gall
It's another disaster They yelled and they cried Clayton Street sucks It ain't no Bayside !
- Joel Kasow