This week's Survivor loser is perennial rookie of the year candidate Alan. The depths to which this man sank during Week 8 to avoid a potential drag home were quite remarkable.
Blender King Alan created chaos at 5 Bayside for failing to inform his fellow housemates that his stalker was coming to town. After giving her detailed instructions on how to find his happy home by the bay, Alan led a merry chase through half of Dewey before disappearring into the night.
Wearing his usual subtle outfit of polyester brain blinding color, he first attempted to "blend-er" in to the crowd at the Jam. Fellow housemates, trying to be helpful when accosted by the deer-in-the-headlights look preceding the often asked questions, "Where's Alan?" "Have you seen Alan?", were found pointing at various directions, sometimes at the same time.
As the night progressed, Alan became desperate. He attempted to send out decoys by switching shirts with fellow house memners and other innocent bystanders, but was forced to settle for buying a new shirt, with which he successfully vanished in "Where's Waldo-esque" fashion.
The stalker was found after closing wailing about her loss on the deck of 5 Bayside, where she was comforted by encouragement to drink more.
His acts would not have been so bad if he would have done the right thing, which would have been attempting to pass her off to another housemate for a potential hookup. Instead, he simply left her to the rest of us to hear her repeatedly ask, "Where's Blender Alan?".
For his spectacular efforts at dodging women, Alan has received his just reward, the week 8 Survivor Series trophy.